What is TRUST Worth to You?

I am having a hard time coming up with a value or a price tag. Trust is priceless to me!  It is invaluable!  It is the core of a friendship.  It is the foundation of all my loving relationships.  It is the basis of a comfortable friendship where you can let your hair down and be yourself and laugh and cry..................all out loud if you feel like it!! 

I feel "at home" with people I trust.  I feel "at love" and "in love" with people I trust.  I feel respect with people I trust.  I feel respected with people I trust.  I feel freedom with people I trust......freedom to be me.  I feel real.  I feel relaxed.  I feel honesty and sincerity.  I feel safe and secure.   I feel productive.  I feel welcomed.  I feel truth.  I feel integrity.  I feel vulnerable and open with people I trust......................and I feel the exact opposite with people I don't trust.  And over the years, maybe I have trusted too many people or the wrong people................."wise as serpents and harmless as doves".  Or maybe, I haven't trusted enough people??  Perhaps I have been too suspicious?

Which group do you think I like to hang with??  But, unfortunately, you can't always hang with the people you trust.  You have to go to work and pay bills and sit on airplanes and participate in groups and meetings and problem solve and ........ you fill in the blank.

But how do we know who to trust?  What are the characteristics or attributes of a trustworthy person??  I have given this lecture and asked these questions to my daughters many times.  Are all people on this planet worthy of our trust?  Should all people be treated equally when it comes to trust?  Should trust be earned and granted immediately?  I believe Some people are not worthy of our trust.  But how do you know who they are?  What do they look like?  Where do they come from?  What political party do they represent?  What religion are they?  Does skin color matter or nationality?  You have probably heard comments like these in the past....... ie.  Muslims are never to be trusted again!!!  Or..."I got offended by a Baptist Preacher once in 1978 and I will never trust Baptist Preachers again."  I certainly don't have the answers!

Have you ever been manipulated and hurt by someone you trusted?  Have YOU ever hurt or manipulated someone who trusted you?  If you are honest, you will probably say YES to both questions.  This planet is full of Manipulators, Pathological Liars, Gain Seekers, Cheaters, Swindlers........self-absorbed, self-centered folks who will hurt almost anyone, anytime, anywhere, to reach their selfish objectives and protect themselves  And of course I am humbled by the words..............."Such were some of you."  (1 Cor 6:11)

So Trust is tricky.  You become vulnerable and open to be hurt and manipulated.  It is scary to trust someone you don't know well but very comforting to trust someone you have no doubt has your very best interest in mind.  Maybe it is your wife or your mother or father or best friend??  Whoever it is, you feel the love and the committment.   You feel safe and secure in that love and there is nothing like it.  How many people do you really trust??  If you are like me, it is the same answer to the question of how many real friends do I have.  It is fewer than we realize.   But when they come into your life or prove themselves over time that they are trustworthy, it is sweet and priceless.  Trust is priceless and people in your life who are trustworthy are more precious than silver or gold................and when you find them, you'd better hold on tight!!!

Looking back over the years, I recall people who have trusted me with their money, their love, their secrets, their sins, weaknesses, faults, shame, embarassments, guilt and disappointments.  What an awesome responsibility to know that I have gained someone's trust and they are counting on me not to break it.  I wish I could say that I have always been trustworthy but I haven't.  But over the years I have learned how valuable trust is to me causing me to realize how valuable it is to others.  But as we fail each other time and time again on this planet, I am reminded of an old song praising the most trustworthy person in the universe...............

Trust and obey,

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey.

Jesus has never let me down.  He has never lied to me.  He has never betrayed me.  He has never swindled or cheated me...................and He has never manipulated me.  But so often, I fail and refuse to trust and obey Him.  Why not Trust the One who is truly worthy of our Trust?  God help me to trust and be trustworthy!

Do You Keep a Record of Wrongs?

I certainly do! I file it away under "Pity Party" and pull it out often to feel sorry for myself or to feel superior to others. It helps me justify my own issues and shortcomings. I think to myself, "I am not so bad....I would never do this or that or what he or she did to me."

This topic has really been a tough one for me! I have been thinking about it for months and just could not bring myself to write about it because I am so lousy at forgiving and moving on with life. I hold grudges and I bring it up often to feel sorry for myself and justify my own selfish actions. We taught our kids......"Do not return evil for evil." But as adults, we do it often and always justify it. I have struggled with this issue in both my business life and personal life for all of my life and I seldom have victory over it.

Don Henley is right in "Heart of the Matter"...........

Ah, these times are so uncertain

There's a yearning undefined

And people filled with rage

We all need a little tenderness

How can love survive in such a graceless age?

What are people yearning for? Why are we so angry? Why are we so unsure of the future? Why are we so hard and tough? What happened to grace?

Has anyone ever been gracious and forgiving to you when you least deserved it? How did it make you feel? How did you react? Were you humbled? Humiliated? Surprised? Thankful? And yet, often we can't forgive those who have hurt and disappointed us. We carry grudges and we won't let them go. I am struggling with that issue right now with family and friends and as I said earlier, I seem to seldom have victory over it.

Henley says more......................

There are people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know, they hurt your pride

You better put it all behind you Baby, cause life goes on

If you keep carryin' anger, it'll eat you up inside, Baby.

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it's about Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Even if, even if, you don't love me.

So Forgiveness is a Decision.....YOUR Decision......MY Decision..............but if you don't do it, that sore spot will fester, turn cancerous, and eat your organs from within, primarily your heart. Do you know any older, cynical people who continue to tell the same old, cynical stories of how they got shafted and why they are entitled? Entitled to sue, entitled to hold the grudge for life, entitled to complain about their "lot in life", entitled to be miserable and make others the same. By the Grace of God, I do not want to live that lonely life of cynicism and negativity so I am remembering, almost every day, how much I have been forgiven and it is humbling.

..............and by the Grace of God, I am tearing up, piece by piece, those "records of wrongs", and being freed up to love and forgive others!!!

Make a Decision..................Go Forgive someone today!

Who needs Friends?

I do! But most people can count their real friends on one hand. Why is that? Many reasons. My wife and I had this discussion tonight concerning real friends. Do you have any? What do they look like? How do you know they are real friends? Is there a special formula?

I really dislike Facebook for this very reason. Their definition of Friends. How many Friends do you have on Facebook. One of my daughters has 789 facebook friends. So what does that mean? So as I discussed this issue with my wife, I realized I probably only have 5 or 6 real friends...........so I'm not as popular as my daughter.......no doubt......I am certainly not as exciting and interesting. She is the most famous person I know. Maybe that's why she has so many friends.

But I think Facebook Friends are different from real friends. Perhaps they are just acquaintances or "friendly" people or nice people or funny or charming or pretty or handsome or _________ .............. you feel in the blank.......but are they friends who would lay it all down for you when you need them?? Friends who would give up their vacation to be with you?? Friends who would sacrifice their own wants and desires for you?? Friends who would sincerely pray for you and share their love for you, openly and freely?? Friends who would give to you without ever considering the cost?? Ok, you are right, I just changed the criteria.

The more I think about it now, that 5 or 6 just got reduced to two and one is not even on this planet. Well.................my daughter has got me beat by a long shot..........at least on Facebook. I only have one friend listed on Facebook because she is the only true Friend I have ever had on this planet. How do I know..........well that's another posting......

And my other friend.........................He reminds me of a simple song............What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.....what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.

Thank God for Friends!!!

Liars are Everywhere!

Have you ever told a lie? Well..........if you answered No to that question.......you just told a lie. Liars are everywhere. You work with them, you buy used cars from them, you laugh with them, you cry with them, you eat, drink and be merry with them, you go to church with them, you sleep with them, you fight with them, you raise them, they raise you, you love them, you hate them, you forgive them, you hold grudges against them.............

Have you ever wondered why so many of us lie on a regular basis?? It is so easy and convenient, isn't it? Notice, I said "us", since I am a liar too. I have lied to my family, wife, friends, employers, mother, father, sister and brother and others I do not remember. Its just too damn easy, especially when the chances of getting caught are quite low. And of course, everyone does it so why not? But does it make you feel good? How do you feel after telling a bold face lie? Or even a little white lie? Do you feel better about yourself? "Well, I really pulled one over on her. What a vulnerable, unsuspecting idiot!" Do you feel superior? Justified? Smarter? Better? More Powerful? I guess some people get a rush from it.

Have you ever been lied to? Ever caught someone in a lie? I will never forget when I was about 17. My father went back home to Alabama and bought a VW Beetle with low miles and brought it back to Georgia. He was so proud of it because he got a great deal. We drove it about a week and soon it began to fall apart and we realized that the 78k miles was more like 278k. The Alabama Used Car Dealer had turned back the odometer and lied to my Dad. He was furious to say the least as well as humiliated and drove the car back to Alabama and demanded his money back. Of course he got it back! He was part Comanche. They called him "Animal" on the High School football team not to mention he was a highly decorated, Special Forces Green Beret for one year in Korea and four years in Vietnam.

We all feel ripped off when we are lied to. Taken advantage of and used like a rag! It doesn't feel good. It surely doesn't build trust and love and respect. You feel betrayed, hurt deep inside. Some of us feel angry, vengeful and unloved. But telling lies is infectious and addictive. You get away with one little lie, it is so much easier to tell another and then another and then another. You get lost in lie after lie and you forget you are lying. You convince yourself that the lie is ok or maybe its really truth. And what is truth, anyway? Isn't it all relative. There is no real black and white in this world anymore. Francis Schaeffer called it Secular Humanism or "pure relativism". No real truth, just relative based on the situation and circumstances. No black and white, just shades of gray.

But most of us believe there is truth and we respect people who tell the truth. Men and women of integrity seem to be more and more rare these days. So why do many people lie? Is it money, sex, addictions, love, adultery, fear, insecurity, power, honor, glory, respect, etc?? I love truth tellers.....men and women of integrity who I know there word is there word. These are the people who are true friends...honest and full of integrity with no insincere motives. I trust them. I respect them. I need them in my life. I need them as friends and confidants who love me and want the absolute best for me. Yes....Liars are Everywhere, but there are a few truth tellers out there..............and when you find one in your life, you better hold on tight! Truth feels so much better!!!

So you want to be a Millionaire!?!

Do you know any Millionaires? How well do you know them? I know several Millionaires from various parts of the planet. They are very focused people. Some I am very close to and most I am not. A few I like and most I don't. Have you ever tried to get close to a Millionaire?? Its not easy, even if you are married to them or a close relative or an old high school friend or a long time business partner or associate. They seem to guard themselves from you. Protect their feelings and emotions. Are they protecting their money? Most are not vulnerable or have lost their old self in another identity. Many seem to have forgotten who they are or who they once were. You have heard it before. Money will not change me! I will always be the same person no matter how much money I acquire! Has that been your experience with Millionaires??

Not mine. Money does change us and it has changed me. For the good or the not so good?? I have never seen it bring real, genuine happiness to any of my friends, acquaintances, business colleagues, high school or college buddies, except one man who is no longer with us. I will talk more about him in a minute. But first, a few of my experiences of wanting to be a Millionaire and listening to others discuss their desire to be wealthy.

I will never forget one fellow at Georgia Tech who was so honest and to the point. "I want a Porsche 911 and $1 million in the bank, and then I will get my life right with God and others." But why not now? "No", he would say, "First things first! You must set priorities or you will never get what you want. First the wealth, then perhaps God and family." I have often wondered if he ever got the Porsche and/or the money and if he did, where is he now. Were his priorities correct? Is that the proper sequence? Get first, then give back, but get what you want and deserve first!!

And then there are my business colleagues and associates and clients......I have watched them all work very hard and some have prospered greatly over the last 10 to 20 years. Guys I have known since grade school, high school and college and a few I have worked for in my consulting business. Did money change them over the years? They tell me...."I am the same man, nothing has changed." But their lives seem to be much more complex and complicated. For some reason, they don't seem happy. They are always distracted from family, wives, fun, hobbies, friends, children, mothers and fathers. Some are short tempered, others are all business and barely crack a smile. Most are very proud men, full of themselves, confident, self-absorbed, focused, relentless and proud of their business accomplishments. Not so much their family accomplishments and charities and church. My accountant is amazed every year at who gives and who doesn't. He always tells me that most Millionaires don't give to charities unless they are reducing their tax liability. The real givers, he says, have average incomes. Amazing!!

Most Millionaires seem to be out of balance and not quite sure how to bring themselves back to the center. Some are very honest about their family failures. "My son flunked his freshmen year." Well what happened, Tom? "I gave him too much money. I spoiled him and he expected that car payment or vacation or new clothes or monthly beer allowance." And still others have seen their marriages and other relationships fall apart and they can't seem to understand just why. "I gave her everything she ever wanted. We took trips around the world. She wears the best of everything, eats the best food, enjoys the best spa treatments, lives in the best house in the neighborhood, drives the best cars, etc, etc, etc." But did you give her yourself? Isn't that what she really wanted? "But I just can't get emotional with her and understand her thinking. I am not built that way. I am a man, a provider, King of the Castle." Isn't that what your son and daughter really wanted?? That is quite difficult to write since I am the biggest Hypocrite on the planet. My business has led me around the world many times but without my family and they have suffered. Was it worth it? I have my regrets.....many! But I can't undo it. I must move forward and by God's grace, I do!

So is money all bad and what is the best investment? I asked those questions and many more to the man who married us over 22 years ago. His answer? You have heard the answer before but do you truly understand it? "It depends on what you do with it", he said. The best investment? "Give it away to the Least." Do what??? "Invest in people, not things." Easy to say, right? But very difficult to practice. Not for this man. For over 25 years, he was audited by the IRS because he gave away 49% of his income and even in his death, he is still giving it to the Least. And of all the Millionaires I have known the last 30 years, I have never met another man like this man. Full of peace, joy and a compassionate love for the Least. A man of integrity, honesty, generosity and determination. I will never forget him!

So, do you still want to be a Millionaire? Ummmmm.... I can take it or leave it.

My First Post - Setting It Up - My Journey

So my wife has been encouraging me to do a journal for the last 22 years and today I decided to do it. She claims I have missed so many great opportunities by not recording all of my adventures and experiences in life since I have had the blessings to travel and meet many different humans on this planet. From the small country town folks of SC and NC and GA and AL and TX and MI and UT and FL and OH and WVA, to the friendly Muslims of Nigeria to the smiling Buddists of Thailand to the Industrialists of WuHu, China to the struggling poor of Mexico to the Socialists of Belgium, UK, Germany, France and Switzerland, I have interviewed, shared meals, prayed, laughed, cried, cursed, consumed all types of beverages, worked, taught, learned, agreed, disagreed, argued, cheered, etc. etc. etc.

I have realized that all of these peoples have one main thing in common -- the desire for love and purpose in a fallen world. So how do they find this love and purpose and where do they buy it? Or is it for sell? Like You, I have learned that People are the same no matter where they live, what they drive, what they wear, what they eat, who they sleep with or who they know.......they are all longing to be loved, appreciated, noticed, respected, admired, cherished...whether they are serving you a Big Mac Heart Attack or playing you a song on their Alto Sax or dropping names of VIPs or counting their $$$ out loud so the world can hear..........they all need the same thing...............

Reminds me of one of my favorite songs ---------The Call ----everyone needs to know, especially The Least, that They Matter. So some of this blog will be about that.........telling people that they Matter, they Count, they are Needed, they are Special...........and the rest will be about my past, present and future experiences...........so hold on...it should be an interesting ride.